So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
