Where is the hickey?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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