He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
