Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize