NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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