Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
