Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
