Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
