How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's rum buckets o'clock
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
