i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
