Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
