At least make sure they are 18
Why
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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