I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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