Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
