the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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