Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize