omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
