im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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