Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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