all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Randomize
