the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
