Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
