I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
why didn't you poke me back
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
