You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
