Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
