the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
