Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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