a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
