I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
