OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
