you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
