he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
