He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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