This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
