I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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