I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
