after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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