I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
