Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize