I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
