I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
did you just send me my own nude
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize