NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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