How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
