1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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