her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
