i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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