And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
