i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
