D3 body, D1 cock
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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