I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
worst night to have a conscience
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
