first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
