Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
