They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm having to shit out rocks
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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