You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
