Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
