i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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