So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
