its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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