After last night, I could never be a politician.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize