I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
