yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
