Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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