Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize