I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
